will anyone know why i am relectant to get a gf? wil anyponeknow why i am so defensive? will anyone knows why i lost my confidence although i have a brave heart? will anyone knows why i lost my attitude to strive? will anyone knows why i love to go out althopugh i desire to be a homely person? alll these, is i do not have a cosy home with members good enough to let me be what i am suppose to be. i stray from what i am suppose to be.

memories

after watching the show "you are an apple in my eyes"
brings back memories.

i thought of Wenqin, thats my first flash. then after i thought of my sec sch crush ziping.

but if say everyone aside and there is a chance to really understand each other, one to one, will it be any better?

well sometimes not knowing the answer may be good, yet it may be bad too. anyway, what past is past. god knows what the future brings, fate will then decide.

somehow, i do not know why, i really like those people yet the more i like, the tendency i do opposite like instead of getting close, i will avoid. instead of being good, i behave badly lost control. least i understand myself more now.

not that i like to be single, i just couldn't find the one i really like yet. i am awaiting, not going to take anyone easily, and remain single till i found the one.

i have a feeling

i will never get attached and be in a relationship..

each time i think of it, there got to be a thing to stop me from thinking..

and i am afraid for unless the person i like and is also willing to hold me hard enough and understands me enough, there will got to be more trouble and unhappiness and simple little happiness and understanding is all i need...

but i have yet found the one....

and its really hard... the one you like, never like you..

the one you find suitable, willl always end up as others gf

or the one who likes you, is totally not suitable...

and worst of all, if i am uncertain about a thing and that person waits, we will never have any good happy ending..

after i realised it, i lost her..

and i have no slightest idea how i can do to make someone mine..

and i hate it.. why are things so difficult.. and my family complicated environment makes me even harder to do one thing..

closing

good bye...
alll the best...
not going to touch it anymore..
lost the reason that i used to blog for ..

no longer feel like updating things i do
no longer hope for anything ..
let it just die.. keeping the little nice feeling just a lil

and just a lil thing to clarify others..

yes i'm afraid of many things
yes i'm hesitating
yes i'm holding on
yes i'm undecisive of many things

yes i am way lousier than other guys out there..

i have no confidence in myself
i have problem finding topic not to even say funny jokes
i have greater problem opening my mouth to talk without people being friendly to me by throwing a friendly smile..

for now... i close this blog.. till i found the reason or motivation to blog again..

CLOSED!!!

wish

if there is a wish to be made, i wish to be with her... every moment every day..
but it is not possible..

looks like i could only just cross her life..

habit

lead me and allow me to get use to it and make it a routine.. or i never do it..

a routine that is unlike any other..

action?

i gave a thought about it..

i guess i nv put my words to action by self initiative.. for that.. nv will..

bless me... may i lose my cool and act rashly in the right timing one more time to get that thing settled.