in response to previous blog

i realised its just another of my inadequate in improving myself that lead to all these... please improve..



maturity is more than what one can think of.... am slapped in the face by my own consciouness and realised the many parts i have to be better on.... shouldn't have gave myself a break and break free from trying to work on myself way back.. making me so complacent on myself and now is getting bad to worse it seems..



gasping for air... lol... for being in a family that demand you to be better than others even if those who taught you thing might not be able to attain perfection themselves, learning is certain.. but convincing yourself to listen and attain perfection is really difficult... but well... if you think of it in a good way, you're benefitting from it all isn't it..



well again.. talk is cheap.. whether i am able to attained everything from all those that were taught will only surface in future..



many things taught to me i refuse.. yes refuse to learn.. but a portion of it have to be used appropriately for sometimes its needed.. that.. i dunno what to do abt it..



first impression... it was talked abt slightly today.. i took a bit of times and think abt it.. very true.. i hated that i created a bad first impression... it is.. really, a lethal weapon indeed... i took my time and effort to create good first impression before and nth happens.. the only time i decide to give it a miss, i had sufferring that is way too much to handle... each person, every wording that my best friends, families and those who cares surfaced..... i hated i give way to laziness to maintain my image.. gave chance for people to talked abt me..... gave myself a chance to exposed to the unforeseen.... but there are some things that might need to continue till i find an answer to it... bear with it... hope its worthwhile in future.. for experience is invaluable...



aiya.. shall not say too much.. prove things with action first..

will refer back here for self reviewing....

damn thats too fast.. but i am pissed and happy all in the same day

yeah.. like what the title says.. i had another roller coaster emotions running today..
morning started.. pissed.. cant slp properly....
then not enough slp..
went museum. tired out alr...
irritated by my own mum behaviour and in the end got scolded at spiting out how irritated i was by her complain... rated "ding zui"
who knows so happy found the place where fake people looks so real.. la xiang guan

then soon unhappinnes comes.. just becos i was too worn out..forgetfulness cum careless, my long time frds, came to look for me... cant rmb i was holding a book... left it at table..filming and photo taking.. no doubt was happy then but i left the book at the table.. cause myself unhappiness in the end.. got to take the responsibility of not rmb the book cos i was "last touched"

geez.... i think i slowly understand why i became so defensive at heart.... and why i became so scared of thing

peace for me.. heal the world

another low confidence article

sometimes i wonder.. am i too 'dao'
yet many times i ask people say.. 'dun think too much'
yup.. if you talk to me enough or know me enough, you will realise i do ask and is super afraid i neglected people or made people angry or such and i tend to keep asking or apologise..

but at times, though they say dun think too much, i still tend to be afraid.. cos there are just friends ard who are not into telling people or want you to figure out yourself...

yes.... i am trying to secure any friendship i have...yet i cant cater to all.. what shall i do???

i seek answer yet till now i found none..

been long since i hang out with shawn, longer with mel, study only but not outing and if study is not included,even longer with my clinque nick they all...talk little with li qian they all.... bball with the guys iin our class nv go socer becos need money.. even longer..talk little with reimond casually merely schwork in msn which aiya.. i should go talk to him more again soon la..club with uni frd, not yet ever since sch start.. hope when the time comes i am able to hold my liquor and maintain my spending to minimum as usual..outing with best frds, hmm ok la still the most out of any though frequency also reduced..

so what have i been doing??? study la.... family things la.... self progressing la...which took up most of my time.. listening to people advice not to be too friendly la as they say i over friendly.. and of cos, to prepare myself to be a loner once again as, only being used to being alone will i be able to fight the sadness of not being accepted and leave any group in future..

you would not believe it, i sometimes went out alone haha... frd busy, last minute not free etc.. and also.. i disheartened to call people out as i always sms people and in the end is "i cannot cfm" "i cannot go" "i dun feel like gng" "---no reply---" end up i adjusted my timing for nothing and still go out alone...

anyway, i do not know how i am to people.. some may interact enough with me to find how i am, some, may self assumption and past experience to judge me without really knowing me, some, are just ok with it.. but well.. i shall say i am not flawless.... i really hope people understands my flaws and how i try to tackle it thus leading to the behaviour... but i guess, people will want me to change .. but sad to say, i am always defeated by my long time rival, my ultimate weakness... i keep urging people to know me better, yet they fail to see my hidden worries... well i leaving things to fate.. and this is why i keep trying to be a loner at heart, as i expect misunderstanding to cause me problems in future anyway... sighx.. wish me luck....

i got a feeling i am emotionless now


like living dead

malfunction?

tired?

dunno..

lost for words as usual..

tons of crap if i release it

sometime its better not said then say it out

yet i feel i am too quiet

else i am too talkative

guess my control card spoilt..

cannot change


imma malfunction human being

oh oh....

spoken..... this is the mask... muhahhaa

for myself..by myself to myself...

1. i must stop doing thing to let people misunderstands me
2. i must learn to use my brain more before doing things
3. i must switch my mentality to stop thinking too much
4. i must learn to act when time is appropriate
5. i must learn to not embarass people with my akwardness
6. i must care for others situation and not cause them to be in a hard position becos of me
7. i must learn to be a better person
8. i must not be moody
9. i must be able to control myself from going haywire
10. i must be a better friend.. if not, a worthy person in others eyes
11. i must drop the idea of getting gf..........it will come naturally when time comes, not by force
12. i must win over my evil thought that is controlling me unconsciously
13. i must let others feel glad to have me ard and do not mind and not want to miss me out for any outing
14. i must achieve the above 13 things..............it all start from myself.. help given but nth is of use without me really conquer over myself to get to be a better person.. not only at heart which i have now, but also when behaving... behaviour and heart dun tally...learn to be true to my self..
15. mosttly, get out of the low confidence level...negative thinking for some things and also overly positive thinking in the others..
16. STOP BEING CONTRADICTING

words are cheap... i must really do it to be able to realise it.. learn to talk appropriately and when needed, build behaviour....get out of the typical eagerness and learn to take thing slow and appropriately...if possible, learn the reaction of woman to be able to response correctly...i dun get woman annd their wants.. and what their reaction means..what to do is apropriate.. anyway...wtf i dun feel like to care.. yet i am curious to find an ans..see contradicting again fuk....

原来我不帅 OST

林俊杰

期待你的爱

Mylife.....一直在等待　　

空荡的口袋想在里面放一份爱　　

Why总是被打败　　

真的好无奈～　　

其实我实实在在不管帅不帅　　

想要找回来自己的节拍　　

所以这一次我要勇敢大声说出来　　

期待期待你发现我的爱　　

无所不在我自然而然的关怀　　

你的存在心灵感应的方向我一眼就看出来　　

是因为爱

　　

我猜你早已发现我的爱　　

绕几个弯靠越近越明白　　

不要走开　　

幸福的开始就是放手去爱