another low confidence article

sometimes i wonder.. am i too 'dao'
yet many times i ask people say.. 'dun think too much'
yup.. if you talk to me enough or know me enough, you will realise i do ask and is super afraid i neglected people or made people angry or such and i tend to keep asking or apologise..

but at times, though they say dun think too much, i still tend to be afraid.. cos there are just friends ard who are not into telling people or want you to figure out yourself...

yes.... i am trying to secure any friendship i have...yet i cant cater to all.. what shall i do???

i seek answer yet till now i found none..

been long since i hang out with shawn, longer with mel, study only but not outing and if study is not included,even longer with my clinque nick they all...talk little with li qian they all.... bball with the guys iin our class nv go socer becos need money.. even longer..talk little with reimond casually merely schwork in msn which aiya.. i should go talk to him more again soon la..club with uni frd, not yet ever since sch start.. hope when the time comes i am able to hold my liquor and maintain my spending to minimum as usual..outing with best frds, hmm ok la still the most out of any though frequency also reduced..

so what have i been doing??? study la.... family things la.... self progressing la...which took up most of my time.. listening to people advice not to be too friendly la as they say i over friendly.. and of cos, to prepare myself to be a loner once again as, only being used to being alone will i be able to fight the sadness of not being accepted and leave any group in future..

you would not believe it, i sometimes went out alone haha... frd busy, last minute not free etc.. and also.. i disheartened to call people out as i always sms people and in the end is "i cannot cfm" "i cannot go" "i dun feel like gng" "---no reply---" end up i adjusted my timing for nothing and still go out alone...

anyway, i do not know how i am to people.. some may interact enough with me to find how i am, some, may self assumption and past experience to judge me without really knowing me, some, are just ok with it.. but well.. i shall say i am not flawless.... i really hope people understands my flaws and how i try to tackle it thus leading to the behaviour... but i guess, people will want me to change .. but sad to say, i am always defeated by my long time rival, my ultimate weakness... i keep urging people to know me better, yet they fail to see my hidden worries... well i leaving things to fate.. and this is why i keep trying to be a loner at heart, as i expect misunderstanding to cause me problems in future anyway... sighx.. wish me luck....