christmas

christmas is here.....

pple all ard going for frds hse, clubbing, orchard rd and such for celebration and countdown..
some calling date out for some romantic thingy whereas some just wanna spend the time home with families..

i am wondering where they all are gng to... anyway.. for me, i am not home.. :P not dating either...not clubbing probably,not orchard rd,not frds hse ,yes to......spot me if you can....

ah boh ask me loh wakakaa..

christmas exchange is a ex thing to do.. sigh.. been spending non stop.. guilty that i spend so much without earning...

so where will you celebrate today??

happy

i am so happy that i saw my classmates again haa..

but well i didn't managed to talk to all and have not wave or show friendly gesture to some.. merely look at...lol.. sorry dude...

so long you all know i am willing to add you in facebook and msn means that i am willing to treat you as frds... so frds... hi congrats on the advancing... see you in sch :)

the cert is indeed big.. god damn i brought bag yet cant use....

jasmine is top student.. hehe i am so proud of her.. cos... we same birthday haaa... anyway.. i better be good somewhere also then i can proudly say... people born on this day is good breed lol.. though may lose to many others in terms of something else haa.... so which is day and month is the best breeed? let you all ownself fill in the answer..

i wonder how she study and answer the qns.... i wonder how is it like studying with her group.. cos their grp of people all did quite good i guess...

some didn't turn up.. i wonder if its work... dunno if anyone didn't make it or not.. its rather sad to see people you once with is not ard alr... we are classmates after all.. so long there are no heart grudges, its not nice to see them not ard..

everyone look good today...got so many new faces from direct intake..... somehow, i am kind of nervous of next sem...seems like a new beginning hehe

gambate..... hope to maintain gpa 3 and above so got chance for some good thing... but welll i doubt i can do it but ...keep trying jia yao... :)

well impt events or enjoyable days coming soon before sch starts.. frds birthday, christmas, new year etc..... wish everyone have a wonderful time...

aarrrgghhhhzzzzz!!!!fuk damn it

chee bye ....hong kan.. damn it.. fuking shit..

frustrated... why i am always not good.. ahhhrrrhrhhhhh fuk...

why cant i be good at at least one thing....

everything is fuking hell lousy... sch work, social skill, talking, even salsa.. basketball..running.. whatever and anything..

firm not firm enough, strict noot strict enough, high pride, yet dun achieve enough... arrrgghhzz.... geeezzzz... #@$#@$@!$@


i really gave up.... i tried very hard on myself.... i tried to be sociable yet it arises words... i tried to score well yet it is always damn lousy... i tried to talk to people yet i am always not good at it... i tried to amend whatever fault and failure yet i always am not able to perfect it...

i cant tell you how frustrated at myself i am... yet i kept on trying.... from now on, i guess i am almost giving up yet my inborn nv say die spirit is pushing me ...but i am not achieving still... 24 years alr...

i am trapped in the middle, in whatever i do.... man not man enough.... half fuk always.. lack of confidence...sissy in short.... damn it...

what shall i do........!!!!!!?????????

i merely need to learn to be beaten by fate?????

i guess.... i am still better off being alone.. live in my own whole .....forever.... why so troublesome need to face all those people words, like how you behave or not or whether how good or bad you dress to occasion??? damn it.... fuk it..... human are never satisfied....

why need to compete... no need.... dun have to fight for whatever you need.. just fail loh... work so hard for disappointment in future for what.

full of disappointing shit in my life.... wanna achieve things sure made rival in no time.... why fight for it.. why cherish it.. fuk care..... why you still wanting to try..... learn and no good just dun care lah...

aarrrrgghhhzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuking damn shit.... who in this whole can understand my frustration? who in this whole knows how sad i am inside and how hard i kept trying to do things.. what you all know about me?? misunderstanding, untrue gossipping.... in short know shit about me.....

who in the whole knows i am actually fuking shy guy.... cares fuking lot for family in silence.... wish to suffer alone than making others unhappy becos of yourself..... trying fuking hard to really treat frds all the same and keep them in my life.... finding someone who really understands me....

whoever is really interested in knowing who i really am?

none.. alll are superficial... judge you by what you seemed to them.... why i spent so much.. for what... damn it...... i been gng out yet i dun feel happy abt it... why? am i trying too hard for frdship that just dun work out..... why i even bother to think of trying to maintain it ....why am i always the person trying when others are not wanting to do anything abt it... why am i so stupid trying to aintain the impossible?

fuk me.. damn me.. what to do ...... arrrgghhhzzzz....

but rest assure.. i will still try to smile..... no one cares about my sadness anyway... who cares... i am just a plain passerby in their life....

have nth for them to use anyway.. good in nth... go away...... doubt i get a gf... dun want to make life miserable for her due to my weakness.... and its not one.. but many...

go away.. dun talk to me when i dun talk to you.. no problem..... just tell me you dun want to be my frd.... why must i face your fakeness if you dun want to be my frd ....

aiya fuk off la.. its ok... we can be stranger its alrite.... i'm weird, bad in everyway... one to be hated... so just fuk off my life....

fuk off!!!!!!

answers

in a very fast and efficient pace, i solve my queries.. phone call by hehe.. ya la you know la.. someone uses uncle phone to call i guess... so haa... nice one.. clap clap.. (not elaborating)

ben and jerry chunk festival party is not free.. i repeat NOT FREE lol.. but well the new flavour taste is okay not bad.. people i went out with, well in the end, they are nice people nv ask or said anything abt religion.. appreciated..

orchard is rather happening.. free candy floss and popcorn.. here comes my saving plan.. thats my dinner lol.. with 100 plus... not healthy way of settling dinner but, certainly is a money saving plan lol

oh ya saw some frds, jermaine.... and frds thinking of which, its like almost the third time we spooted each other, i guess she saw me more times, then Low kay hwa our one and only writer that we called dao ming si had a little chat with him.., and hilda.. hilda did not see me neither did i call her so lol i wonder if she remembers me..


still thinking how to wear today.. shanghai rouge got to wear oldies.. shanghai wear.. i guess, i shall follow minority and wear formal lol..

updates yet again..

should any of you wonders what i have been doing i can sum up with one word.. slacking..

anyway.. i went to frds relative wake today... went bedok.. wow... went to tasted some not bad hawker food... well who says you need to spend ex to get good food.. i appreciate hawker food more sometimes.. cheap and good haa..

was wondering who miss call me.... kept me thinking... but rest assure.. i am not gng to post it up.. privacy lol...was hoping its that someone whom i wanted..but anyway..

i am gng to ben and jerry tmr with some new frds... i hope there is no preaching... as they are christian.. lol.. i hate preaching as i have my own belief alr and yet still have to face their qns and answer till they satisfied..hope that this group of frds will understand and not be a typical christian that i had experienced before..

sunday am gng to shanghai rouge yuppy.. salsa.... party night... wow.. i am still puzzled where is victoria theatre... hope i can find it..

well nth much..

ps: people been keeping me confuse by a way or another...

for a reason, i have never really give up... just unsure what to do that is good enough to improve the situation ...

hope i am not irritating.. but rest assure ....all will be kept in the air of silence... nth will be done.. till there is confirmation by the key holder..

:)

i feel happy inside....
for long it seems i had not had time for myself...
actually the slacking is not bad...

i enjoyed my time nevertheless....
maybe its the long break and leaving those need to maintain, look out and watch it stress from those newly found classmate that makes me now feeling what a blissful state i can be in now..

i dunno...just simply so stress free....
i still enjoy my simple life... moneyless but still hehe.. dunno happy thats all..
soon celebrating my mum birthday.... with so many relative coming.. hehe.. hope it be a wonderful time..

sunday is the only time i may need to worry.... cos i be gng out with uni classmates.. generation where every action counts.. bless me... cos there are always people whom i not sure if will have prejudice against me or not...

anyway.... i will be skipping bball for mum today.. family gathering..

mon gonna spend sunday also... sigh... actually, i would love to have low budget outing.... but well mon is bdae celebration so bo bian.. sun, actually is very hesistant as its roller blade.. costly to me for an outing...if dun go, dunno what people will likely say.. sighz... people now say i too sensitive... but then, given the kind of pressure i am in with these kind of people who may misunderstand me anytime, what you expect me to behave.. if things still dun work out as fine, i will reallyy ignore and dun care..... leave the circle totally.... dun say club, not even makan.... if thing s really have its way to made me feeel the striving is pointless apart from what effort i put in .....

of cos i will feel like not giving up, but if things really have to be that way, i got to let it be....

bad remark always has its way to say abt people, no matter who you are....even one kind man good act can be said as got other meaning when its universal known its out of kindness... thats how bad society can be at times ....you will understand in future....

well i cant pin point to any cos it might arise anger among anyone in the world thus, please forgive me if my wording offended any.. i'm sorry..

actually, people might be wondering why i need to be so call overly cautious and sensitive.... i have only one answer.... you have not met people that make you understand how to be more sensitive and careful in your wordings in this society.. when things do not happen to people, they cannot imagine how one phrase of wording from a blog can bring trouble.. might even infringe govt policy who knows.... read more news... understand the world more on how somethings that look absurb to you actually did happened to people...

life... is always so unpredictable... recall how disaster happened to us way before.. who would have thought they will happen? but in the end it did happen...



even lightning strike a tree and collapse killing people those incident also have...
lighting too choon or that person suay? no.. its merely how life is so unpredictable...so people will always see and say "it will not happen to me.." who would have thought the person who got hit by the treee will think it will happen to him or her?
think again... are you really taking things for granted? not to be overly cautious is true but, have you taken the neccessary step to prevent? or at least minimise? when it is possible to do so...

food for thought..
up to individual to think abt it and give an answer to themselves...

my thoughts

i had once thought of aLL these.....

when you cough , slip some cough syrup or at least sweet into your bag or place at your desk.. (found no chance and ate it away)

fold a star from somewhere with your first letter of your name and my name, and put it into your bag.. (in the end i throw it away)

give you encourgement before exam face to face when you are wearing white dress.. (will be quite weird if i stop and cheer you only since diff room thus i walk pass)

and some others...

anyway... think it doesn't matter anymore.... that was all the past...

now... am just going to make frds ard... am not gng to think abt it... maybe.. remaining single till i have made myself way better for people to accept me first in anyway... cant find people who accept me as who i am so i gonna change...

if you were to give me a choice, i rather things to be simple and carefree.... no need care image, want to wear what just wear, want to say what just say so long not offending...happy can alr...

i spent so much alr... just for these... and you know?? i initially wanted to save up for a car in msia so i go back can drive..i heard a ok second hand cheap car need ard $10,000...of cos its now in sing, convert it to ringgit.. i was at $3400 alr... well now its negative.. plus no job..kinda sad.. for the current big small matters, i have to spend.. used it on socialising... but somehow, i feel, i wasted the money... hope something can help me not to regret what i did..with the loads and lousy concentration and speed in picking up schoolwork, i cant work in sch days else main target for grade in sch work sure suffer.. am not working yet did not as good alr..

am trying to pick up reading so when sch starts i can regularly revise schwork as i have the habit now..what to do.. no work so must find things to do... i now plan for myself you see... i have yet to touch malay language.... i read the book "know can do" it says abt focus.. true indeed.. i lacking in it..cant do things well... when i really find my focus, i can really do better..thus, bit by bit, step by step bah....

r/s i guess, sigh, i have no clue what to do abt it.... leaving it aside first..until someone whack me awake and get me do something abt it.. haa think gonna let people ard me worried abt my future alr.. no choice.. no skill, no criteria, no nth........ at least thats what i think of myself.. quite inferior and negative thinking..

alrite.. sat chinese garden nearby jurong east swimming complex with relative at evening for swim, sun east coast i guess for roller blading with shawn and gf,zam and richie.....mon tiong bahru clinque li shi bdae celebration.....only this weekend busy .... 7 dec shanghai rouge.. am gonna to be oldies wear lol shanghai theme i dun have, just gonna wear any cloth nearest to oldies hehe.. can comb back side parking alr haaa.. keke

maybe.. just maybe... go club when frd come back to ZIRCA ... wait he free... and rest of unforeseen outing will depends.. since now FINALLLY my all best frds will be out of exam and free for outing soon....... and whether their assignment for holidays got any to do or what.. just dunno working personnel free or not..

wondering when is poly meeting up

wondering which day of dec is YEP, youth expedition project meeting up... vietnam volunteers and sp people ... hope to see you all soon..

well christmas and new year eve dunno got go club or not.. then sch reopen soon... 3 more sem and we willl be graduated should everything go smoothly...

life in uni is not as exciting as i think it can be..... still i think my bro is happier.. cos, to be exciting, need lotsa close frd in that uni and been meeting up.. i dun think i have any.. kinda bored... i guess no money bah and hae commitment..well who ask me not to have any commitment..in terms of job or whatever...... partly, i no money la.... lol sigh shit la.. lol....

ok bb getting longwinded...

i know i should be working, i know i should be slping.. but no doubt i cant....

maybe should write what i did.....

sat st james, before that ktv.... ktv is rather simple but happy event since i am with my best frd.. marina square again.. our favourite hangout....

then, i wore their shirt to st james.... kept one in pouch... initially wanted to wear others but also kept in bag cos their shirt is nicer ha..

then.. to st james.... i dunno what to say abt it.... i bet there are potential misunderstanding.... first i know others open bottlee... but later on, you see me holding cup does not means i insist on drinking... i bet people must be thinking i fuking wanted to drink so much despite umpteeen reminder that not to as he pai sei its his frd open bottle...

i was actually, offered.. and reason why i hold it for so long would really means i am trying to shake off in a way or another.. but i guess, he also dun like me.. just entertaining... i bet many dun like me .. some might not even turn up due to that....i wouldn't say totally its the reason, but probably partial..

fine experience.. i 'll improve.... in future not really any thing can beat me down easily anymore after this.. but no doubt, i rather things to be smooth lol... i am still lazy at heart to face things and accept changes to normal safe routine....

i bet, my initial motive during start of uni to try out disobeying my own conscious to try things out for unknown result and experience prove to be a pain in the neck... who says you can achieve success when you step out of your comfort zone?? crap... appropriate is also a main component in success... stepping out inappropriately will only make you fall greater than you think you will.... timing is also another crucial factor ...... whoever that do not encalcate all these in equal standing is not as successful and right in their theory in my comment..... please do not speak of the skin for people to easily understand yet nv telll them the way to do it for people who are not as lucky to fall greatly... anything is like share market.... stepping out of comfort zone to invest also need appropriate level of money that can help you endure hardship to certain extend and timing have to be right..... luck is needed too...... and everythig, has its stages to go through before certain things can be done...

thus..... well...... i learnt a lot... not enough for the world.. at least i have yet to figure out the fakeness, the reaction, the backstabber, and the way to do things to tackle it all....

gonna prepare myself... at least mentally for the world... firm is something i always nv do correctly and appropriately when needed...

anyway... went eat at cine on mon... cake and present... so nice....

i bet.... certain frdship once broken will not come back again..... its true what done leaving a blackmark cannot be undone... goodness in the start will accumulate more goodness and black dot in the beginning will only lead to more negative thinking in whatever thing you do regardless of how hard you try....thats partially how a human mind works... thus con man are able to succeed in cheating people when others are cheated by their goodness in the beginning...

thus, i urge all people... really understand you frd to core and not let misunderstanding to bring about breaking of ties in future.... trust is one very crucial thing no matter relationship or frdship...

everything, although different in their own aspects, stick to the big understanding and trust part. impression, plays a great part in your day to day people encounter that determine the stairway to good or bad things in future...

forgive and forget......

however good in understanding, do require practice in reality.. theory can get 100% but without practice, it is useless....

come on... do it..... good luck.... :)

life.....

why do people grow up to find themselves facing lonliness...
imagine the times way back where families are ard.. home is nice.. till primary, whatever thing is nice to play and fun with frds ard playing police and theif or pepsi cola 1 2 3 stepping on each other to win or lose..till secondary, playing basketball, talk, chit chat, hang out, with cca that filled most of the time and playing games..... when all these are done too many times, it get bored. now advancing to poly where orientation and organising activities and hanging out. attention are no longer that concentrated when you dun have a fix class. grouping of friends started to be more obvious.

and soon, as time advances, everyone will be busy for one thing or another. bf, gf work marriage.

each one will be on their own soon and establish families.

from many to little.. is this what life is all about?

things get tougher when frds making gets tougher and tougher.people grow and starts from easily making frds to getting to mind if the person have motive.
people doubting each others. thanks to bad experience. life made difficult.

devil inside grows with influence. things needed to be fulfilled is accumulating and grows in urgency as one ages. eventually, haste came in and play a part in a bad way.

eventually, nth good happens.

living through it all, requires support. ties, and a lot more of things unexplainable.

or probably, appreciation, and knowing that one are remembered and cherish may just do the job.

till now there is no definite answer.

answer, lies in every individual.

search your heart............

i wonder what willl happen on my birthday.. clubbing stuff aside, day time i doubt i can see my best frd nor clinque ard to celebrate my birthday..

doubt there willl be any surprise..

think, it will be a plain just another day thing..

i wonder how many remember my birthday and might want to celebrate if i call for an event to celebrate my birthday..

i am lacking energy to interact and try to maintain relationship with people... it is running out.. who can re-energize it?

sometimes i sincerely want to talk to the person but i am lacking the energy to express my interest externally making people feel i dun want to talk to them..nor quick enough to think of something to crap at the right moment..

genuine frds come to interact at times when i feel lacking of energy.. i feel so bad that i appear unfriendly ... how i wish i got energy level that will not die down and need others to brighten it up at times..

so sick and tired of the things ard me... need to handle so many thing, need to care abt so many things... why can life just be simple...

now.. finding a joob.. earn income....picking myself up from no energy to do stuff.... i have pproblem with myself haha...just simply no mood .....what a long PMS... is it an early geng nian qi? ok alrite crap lame..... nt funny.... no link...... but stilll ..... whatever...

ok enough of writing... these are feeling as of current... will it last or not depends...

18禁不禁 18爱不爱 （插曲） LYRICS

男：第18根蜡烛吹熄以后 确定对你说 爱上你微笑对着我
女：你是心中的第三个愿望 不能说 期待明天变成亲密朋友
男：关于爱的种种
女：才不怕
男：害怕弄巧成拙
女：哈啰 不要想太多 当时机成熟
合：光明正大手牵手
合：爱不爱都想要和你 天天搅和
女：拍大头贴逛渔人码头
男：和梦
合：呵…蠢蠢欲动 爱不爱心思特别多 毫不保留
女：写满了爱的部落格
男：18岁
女：最适合
合：恋爱

翼势力&企鹅-18爱不爱

女：你是心中的第三个愿望 不能说 期待明天变成亲密朋友
男：关于爱的种种
女：猜不透
男：害怕弄巧成拙
女：哈啰 不要想太多 当时机成熟
合：光明正大手牵手
合：爱不爱都想要和你 天天搅和
女：拍大头贴逛渔人码头
男：和梦
合：呵…蠢蠢欲动 爱不爱心思特别多 毫不保留
女：写满了爱的部落格
男：18岁
女：最适合
合：恋爱
翼势力&企鹅-18爱不爱
合：爱不爱都想要和你 天天搅和
女：拍大头贴逛渔人码头
男：和梦
合：呵…蠢蠢欲动 爱不爱心思特别多 毫不保留
女：写满了爱的部落格
男：18岁
女：最适合
合：恋爱

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixlt3ctL7rM&feature=related -- ktv ver

歌曲名 小薰&阿本-甜甜圈
小薰&阿本 - 甜甜圈
专辑:18禁不禁影音全纪录
甜甜圈(片尾曲)
词曲：王雅君
演唱：小薰&阿本
小薰&阿本-甜甜圈(片尾曲)★
danfeng927制作

天天非常想你的甜点
飞过城市的边缘
降落爱你的终点
想念互道晚安的每一天
却又舍不得说再见
你的笑那么甜....
我的直觉就是那么坚决
不怕有暴风圈
因为你是我最晴朗的大晴天
爱要你牵我的手每一天
我要非常用心感觉
因为爱你才是我最后最美丽的句点
喜欢在你的肩膀盘旋
习惯两个人的世界
才让我的心永远像甜甜圈

牵你的手还是有点紧张
看你双眼怎么好好说话
这次真的下定决心
鼓起勇气拥抱你
让我们的爱
连成完美圈圈
曾经怀疑自己是否能保护你
是你让我看见世界美丽
是你带我走向温暖生命
因为有你我的天空放晴
紧握住你的手一起迎接未来
十八岁的蔚蓝环绕永远的爱
却又舍不得说再见(说再见)
是否能够继续
因为你能让我真正充满勇气
有你才可以真正面对自己(呵…)
一起面对未来
十八岁的蔚蓝
两人一起拥抱永远的爱

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-J0c1AxL6g ---- ktv version

in response to previous blog

i realised its just another of my inadequate in improving myself that lead to all these... please improve..



maturity is more than what one can think of.... am slapped in the face by my own consciouness and realised the many parts i have to be better on.... shouldn't have gave myself a break and break free from trying to work on myself way back.. making me so complacent on myself and now is getting bad to worse it seems..



gasping for air... lol... for being in a family that demand you to be better than others even if those who taught you thing might not be able to attain perfection themselves, learning is certain.. but convincing yourself to listen and attain perfection is really difficult... but well... if you think of it in a good way, you're benefitting from it all isn't it..



well again.. talk is cheap.. whether i am able to attained everything from all those that were taught will only surface in future..



many things taught to me i refuse.. yes refuse to learn.. but a portion of it have to be used appropriately for sometimes its needed.. that.. i dunno what to do abt it..



first impression... it was talked abt slightly today.. i took a bit of times and think abt it.. very true.. i hated that i created a bad first impression... it is.. really, a lethal weapon indeed... i took my time and effort to create good first impression before and nth happens.. the only time i decide to give it a miss, i had sufferring that is way too much to handle... each person, every wording that my best friends, families and those who cares surfaced..... i hated i give way to laziness to maintain my image.. gave chance for people to talked abt me..... gave myself a chance to exposed to the unforeseen.... but there are some things that might need to continue till i find an answer to it... bear with it... hope its worthwhile in future.. for experience is invaluable...



aiya.. shall not say too much.. prove things with action first..

will refer back here for self reviewing....

damn thats too fast.. but i am pissed and happy all in the same day

yeah.. like what the title says.. i had another roller coaster emotions running today..
morning started.. pissed.. cant slp properly....
then not enough slp..
went museum. tired out alr...
irritated by my own mum behaviour and in the end got scolded at spiting out how irritated i was by her complain... rated "ding zui"
who knows so happy found the place where fake people looks so real.. la xiang guan

then soon unhappinnes comes.. just becos i was too worn out..forgetfulness cum careless, my long time frds, came to look for me... cant rmb i was holding a book... left it at table..filming and photo taking.. no doubt was happy then but i left the book at the table.. cause myself unhappiness in the end.. got to take the responsibility of not rmb the book cos i was "last touched"

geez.... i think i slowly understand why i became so defensive at heart.... and why i became so scared of thing

peace for me.. heal the world

another low confidence article

sometimes i wonder.. am i too 'dao'
yet many times i ask people say.. 'dun think too much'
yup.. if you talk to me enough or know me enough, you will realise i do ask and is super afraid i neglected people or made people angry or such and i tend to keep asking or apologise..

but at times, though they say dun think too much, i still tend to be afraid.. cos there are just friends ard who are not into telling people or want you to figure out yourself...

yes.... i am trying to secure any friendship i have...yet i cant cater to all.. what shall i do???

i seek answer yet till now i found none..

been long since i hang out with shawn, longer with mel, study only but not outing and if study is not included,even longer with my clinque nick they all...talk little with li qian they all.... bball with the guys iin our class nv go socer becos need money.. even longer..talk little with reimond casually merely schwork in msn which aiya.. i should go talk to him more again soon la..club with uni frd, not yet ever since sch start.. hope when the time comes i am able to hold my liquor and maintain my spending to minimum as usual..outing with best frds, hmm ok la still the most out of any though frequency also reduced..

so what have i been doing??? study la.... family things la.... self progressing la...which took up most of my time.. listening to people advice not to be too friendly la as they say i over friendly.. and of cos, to prepare myself to be a loner once again as, only being used to being alone will i be able to fight the sadness of not being accepted and leave any group in future..

you would not believe it, i sometimes went out alone haha... frd busy, last minute not free etc.. and also.. i disheartened to call people out as i always sms people and in the end is "i cannot cfm" "i cannot go" "i dun feel like gng" "---no reply---" end up i adjusted my timing for nothing and still go out alone...

anyway, i do not know how i am to people.. some may interact enough with me to find how i am, some, may self assumption and past experience to judge me without really knowing me, some, are just ok with it.. but well.. i shall say i am not flawless.... i really hope people understands my flaws and how i try to tackle it thus leading to the behaviour... but i guess, people will want me to change .. but sad to say, i am always defeated by my long time rival, my ultimate weakness... i keep urging people to know me better, yet they fail to see my hidden worries... well i leaving things to fate.. and this is why i keep trying to be a loner at heart, as i expect misunderstanding to cause me problems in future anyway... sighx.. wish me luck....

i got a feeling i am emotionless now


like living dead

malfunction?

tired?

dunno..

lost for words as usual..

tons of crap if i release it

sometime its better not said then say it out

yet i feel i am too quiet

else i am too talkative

guess my control card spoilt..

cannot change


imma malfunction human being

oh oh....

spoken..... this is the mask... muhahhaa

for myself..by myself to myself...

1. i must stop doing thing to let people misunderstands me
2. i must learn to use my brain more before doing things
3. i must switch my mentality to stop thinking too much
4. i must learn to act when time is appropriate
5. i must learn to not embarass people with my akwardness
6. i must care for others situation and not cause them to be in a hard position becos of me
7. i must learn to be a better person
8. i must not be moody
9. i must be able to control myself from going haywire
10. i must be a better friend.. if not, a worthy person in others eyes
11. i must drop the idea of getting gf..........it will come naturally when time comes, not by force
12. i must win over my evil thought that is controlling me unconsciously
13. i must let others feel glad to have me ard and do not mind and not want to miss me out for any outing
14. i must achieve the above 13 things..............it all start from myself.. help given but nth is of use without me really conquer over myself to get to be a better person.. not only at heart which i have now, but also when behaving... behaviour and heart dun tally...learn to be true to my self..
15. mosttly, get out of the low confidence level...negative thinking for some things and also overly positive thinking in the others..
16. STOP BEING CONTRADICTING

words are cheap... i must really do it to be able to realise it.. learn to talk appropriately and when needed, build behaviour....get out of the typical eagerness and learn to take thing slow and appropriately...if possible, learn the reaction of woman to be able to response correctly...i dun get woman annd their wants.. and what their reaction means..what to do is apropriate.. anyway...wtf i dun feel like to care.. yet i am curious to find an ans..see contradicting again fuk....

原来我不帅 OST

林俊杰

期待你的爱

Mylife.....一直在等待　　

空荡的口袋想在里面放一份爱　　

Why总是被打败　　

真的好无奈～　　

其实我实实在在不管帅不帅　　

想要找回来自己的节拍　　

所以这一次我要勇敢大声说出来　　

期待期待你发现我的爱　　

无所不在我自然而然的关怀　　

你的存在心灵感应的方向我一眼就看出来　　

是因为爱

　　

我猜你早已发现我的爱　　

绕几个弯靠越近越明白　　

不要走开　　

幸福的开始就是放手去爱

歌曲名
远走高飞
李圣杰
爱你错了吗为什么会受到这么多惩罚?
他们说的话像针往心里扎
我心中的怕不知该怎么做才可以放下
只不过想好好的爱一次啊!!!
带我远走高飞不去理会
这一个蜚短流长的世界布满虚伪
是你让我选择沉醉繁星守侯月不能睡
只因为爱上了夜的黑
带我远走高飞一起去追
有一个叫做幸福的世界没有泪水
我已经感觉到疲累只想在你怀抱入睡
不在乎别人眼中是非
重新再出发能不能让这天地不再吵杂
我的心里面安静得不像话
故事的真假没有多余的力气去分辨他
只不过想好好的爱一次啊!!!

简简单单-林俊杰歌词

我们都是泡沫轻轻一碰就破
眼泪是爱的火花
昨天就像飞机穿过我的窗口
我什么都没有
我摊开了双手
你予取予求直到你想自由
痛苦的时候我不会闪躲
就像树叶甘心为春风吹落
只是简简单单的爱过我还是我
简简单单的想过就不算白活
简简单单的疯过被梦带走
当故事结束之后心也喜欢一个人寂寞

status update

home alone.

typical student.

no other commitments except schooling and salsa..

sms frds..and only frds.. not further..

call parents..

lamer..

go out with besties

other than that, lazy to call others out..

running with besties..

spend large amt of my time using brain thinking...many things..

character training and rebuilding from scrap..

learning to focus..

learning to talk..not crap

learning to overcome obstacles though not that successful yet.

fighting hard... from the life lesson i tried to learn before which prove negatively carried out..

figuring out something, someone, still learning....

figuring out the most effective learning style for my own..no idea yet

learn how to be brave at times i need..cos it always comes at wrong time..it looks..

be it, live it, revealing what i truly am..

fighting bad impression...

filtering fake frds from true frds..

some, just cant seem to talk to.. my own fault..

leaving things to natural cause.. pray hard we can talk and reallly know each otehr better..

wish life to be better..

as she said, hope for better tmr...

hi
this is a blog for any words i might want to say
may be things for me to rmb also
quotes if i feel like writing
absolutely anything non pesonal..

i will add a tagboard

good life...good days..
have a wonderful days ahead..

enjoy reaDING..