awakening....

came back from hip hop....light heaRTED MOOD...
and when i read back my own post.. while now its calm and when i dun feel like thinking... actually i find that.. why do i insist to find out? i just cant give a damn reason for it..

but stilll i guess it wouldn't die till i really seriously from the bottom of my heart think that it really does not matter anymore..

and looking at my frustration... i am thinking... maybe anger have overcome me again and again... there are bound to be people like that so why make your life miserable? why the anger...

well i guess i am just not happy that i am not able to be the real me again and have to live in life where i created to be in the eye of others just becos of an experiment and a test and try out in doing the abnormal and risk it all...

even when those words that are meant to be kept untold i even try to write it out... sometimes, who do not have evil thoughts or self right thought? but those are just need to be kept to yourself seriously... so why express out when it does not really mean to be anything at all and just wild thinking?

i got to blame myself for that..... so sometimes, there are things that you better not try.... cos it just ruin your life... similiar to theft and murder....

life is a complicated thing...yet if you do everything in the right way and with everyone mentality being nice and right and not expect too much, it can just be simple and easy..

i sincerely hope i will cleanse all hatred and live life as happy as my secondary life again......where i find i am at my most discipline self and best attitude towards life..

blog of frustration and unsolve things..

there is just that one thing that i dun understand..... making me like before....
and i think i over observe again.. since the lecture is so boring once again i cant help but do other things..

what is the meaning when others are looking at you.. there is no one general answer... many people look for different things.. many just wanna seee you being a fool again and happily joke ard with your "new" action.. some.. i dunno... some, is just looking when they saw you looking at him...some.. is merely staring blindly..

and one conclusion... when others have bad impression of you.. it is never going to change... people are rigid in their belief and believe in what they see only...

just do the norm and make them think nth changes bah...

since they will think "it cant be lets wait surely he will be back to square one, like a fool"

thats how bull shit people are nowadays... i regrettted wanting to know them before.. now i just cant ignore even when they are an ass...have to be "normal"

i sometimes want to leave my clinque and be alone... i am so scare that i will make them look bad ard with me, being bullshit by people who just got nth to do but to make fun of you and your frds..... people like to generalise them tgt with me.. nth good comes out from those shit..

i just cant handle child like them... i am wondering if i am really studying university... maturity just dun seem to be the word for them..i miss interacting with some of the mature people in the society.. though there are still crooks ard the world that did not grow up from the right mentality...

being not able to handle those shit is my lack of training.... i shall improve myself.. there will be more shit in society and if i cant turn the tide now, i cant turn the tide in future... see how i grow from "your" "guidance" shit people...

"if not now, when? if not you, who?"
"when you succeed, people follows"
"when you have yet attain success, people mock at your so call stupidity, when you shown results, people will just find excuses to look good for themselves for the mocking"

this 3 phrases is so true... the world nowadays is like that..for great people or say a successful entrepreneur,they will do thing right away as they understand if they drag on, nth will happen and if they dun do, no one will....

when they succeed, people will want to do the same business as they do

but in the process of attaining success, others will tend to mock at his idea and says it do not work.. when he finally succeeded, those who mock him before will have reasons and reasons to say to look good..

thats how the world do things.... making things that are simple made difficult by those people who talk alot to deter and does not want to do thing and change to make life better and just being a asshole for others..with tons of self right excuses to back themselves up..

i am just full of anger when it comes to talk abt crooks... they are just here to ruin my life with nothing better to do as they feel life in sch is just too boring and wanna spread tales to others without giving others a leeway to survive.. it was just an error made why must it be spread ard.. you know nth abt me idiot.. i am just so pissed off

deep thought

after moments of considering.... i guess being a self conscious me, i am just punishing myself for my wrongdoings..

you tend to be a shit when your life is in shit situation and people ard you just happen to treat you like shit.... you will be shitty in whatever you do without knowing... probably called fuk up,some people might say...you just dun feel like controlling and do whatever you feel like without bothering anything.. and ends up... i am sure the result is very bad... tarnishing bondage... killing impression...

if you dun trust me, wait till you experience it.... feel it yourself.. and dun forget you once said these words to people and now it might applies to you.. with you and your self right excuses to back up yourself when it happens...

egoistic... thats what is manipulating you...

what turns ard goes ard too.... retribution sure comes... and be sure.. why some of those crooks during your schooling years can turn out to be a nice guy in future.. and looking back, you just cant believe he is so bad then... even him might say his childish then...

there are many things i failed to understand... maybe, its not an area i should touch on until fate have decided that i should know... am not going to be reckless like before... sometimes, time is a good tools in your hand... it gives you preparation before you are ready so you will be able to handle things in future..probably, i am just not ready yet... although i think i am.. fate have decided that i need more time.. thus well should anyone tried to encourage me for some things and i did not do it, i'm sorry i am just listening to what is arranged for me... i'll wait....for the right time for the right thing in the right moment...when everything is right.. even my personality nurtured itself enough to allows it..

sit back and relax and enjoy the show.... its quite a nice phrase to me... sit back, relax and enjoy what life have to give you.... fast forward is not a good thing as you will regret that you never see the details along your way and forced yourself to see the result and making yourself not prepared when the times comes for you to reflect and tell others what you exppereince in your life.. those nitty gritty stuff..even if its written as in a compo, it lack substance as you only know the head and tail but not the body..

be forgiving and forgive others... another nice phrase... you want people to forgive you, you have to first be forgiving... but if you chose to forgive others and yet others chose not to forgive you, they will face their fare share of understanding in future.. life is fair at times..at times ok.. lol ... it make you see what you did to others in a period of time for you to reflect yourself... and maybe things you dun get to understand will be shown to you in a moment of time without you realising its coming...

life is about understanding things too anyway.... things that you do not understand do not mock others when you see it.. or else one day when you get to experience it, you make yourself feel shameful on what you did to others... as maybe you wil be doing the same thing withoout realising it..always be lenient and kind to others..you never know when you neeed themto be like that too.. even though you might be emotionally strong now and do not need it...


ok i guess i just written what i feel like saying at current since it just came... time for revision.. test tmr mcq though but well must do well......(i drop using hope to push myself to better limit you see.. at least for now..)

when i got time.. i have no mood to clear it...
now i have no time.. and i have mood to clear it..

wah the hell am i doing lol..

anyway... lately... catching up with sec frds.. nothing beats being with them and not forgetting my best frds, relatives and my click... i seems to have less flaws when i am with them as the mood of controlling and modest and everything seems to just come back.. lol.. i was very well disciplined before seriously... you be surprise.. i feel way lousier i am then i was before.. seriously...

anyway... been studying alone when i found no one to go out nor anyone calling me..

i do feel less lonely nowadays.... but being content is just not too good as there is bound to be better life i guess... but no lousier than now please haa...

i think i enjoy hip hop haa... i like those music maybe.. and those move can solo practice unlike salsa who need to partner with people and do wrong will make you pai sei lol..i like salsa too just that it is more pai sei nia.. lol..when you execute wrong..

but hip hop requires more endurance and speed and reflex.. i feel rather rigid sia lol..looking at myself executing the move seems like so weird lol.. thats what it is to be a beginner haa.. allegra the instructor dance really well.. seems young i wonder if she is a student too.. anyway everyone is wondering not only me haa..

that spells why i like to watch at concert for hip hop too... salsa too.. even people singing contest... i like music haa.. but am no master for it..

i am wondering what i should do after the 8 lesson.. if i really feel i can cope, should i go for audition on hip hop or salsa? or shouldi go learn more like jap and guitar.. i love to learn new things but i lack the peserverance for continuing lol.. there are some things i like and i continue though..

valentine day quote...

"woman are all pretty in one way or another, but who will be the one that catchs your heart and make you really act regardless of rain or shine ?"

4 min

in 4 min... it will be valentine day...
have you did what you want to achieve for a shot on this very day??

in this 21st century, it does not matter if guys date girls or girls date guys out alr... end of the day, just one thing is achieve that is, a chance on everlasting love...

good luck every brave heart and loving people... its finallly the day to express your love..

well i have no idea how i am going to spend the day.. got bball appt but dun feel like gng actually haa.. home as usual? or.. ya go hunt for some things..

anyway... wish i have some frds who wanna go out or go clubbing.. been feeling like gng lately just cant seem to have any frds who wanna go.. sibei sian...at least i know i have know quite many good and money saving soul who seldom go to this place as it is money consuming.. keke..but still having some to go is still well... colors adding to life i would say... not a need just my want haa..

alrite now is valentine day...(as i typed and 4 min passed.). heart beats of many starts to clock right now.. some might not be even well asleep just thinking abt that the moment for them have finally arrived..

well the reason why i am not asleep differs.. boring people like me who nv go pursue is just typically finished watching some movie called the tales of benjamin buttons... and currently not sleepy yet..

well its amazing how you can view life from a different life cycle.. old to young and back to infant..
and one thing is true... learn to cherish and do not live life with regrets...

ops..

now its closed...
too bad...
but well... also good haaa.... no one to witness how dumb i dance lol...

and you know some things??... i might go out hunt on v day lol...
hunt for what??

:P secret..
definitely not girls..seriosuly no... just...
i be dumb if i tell you here....
:X

wahahaaa.........can you "smell" what i am hiding? waahahhah

anyway...
given the rate i am going.. i think i might love to gym more.. depends.. really too slacked liao.. many things cant handle due to lack of training.. just thoughts anyway.. thought is always not what me in person will perform at the end of the day.. unless you make me drunk waahaha.. or something to make me not think so much and just go with gut feeling... else.. too bad... regrets.. tear in the eyes...

and.... my option is still open.... so long the distance still remains like that..

am i too scary? lol... or did i give out a "dun talk to me" aura that everyone is not talking to me ,except my clinque lol..or everyone is merely maintaining their pride and want others to talk to them so as to not lose face??? i merely admit i might be a bit dao at times cos i dunno if they really treat me as frds or not... and i dun want to be the one smiling to them then kenna bo hui..like last time.. and dunno what pple is thinking la... sometimes, they like friendly.. other times, like bo hui... so qi guai... how can i not do likewise? lol.. just to be safe..

aiya.... i just wanna say.. i do treat all i know as frds la.. so long i smiled to you and attempted to talk to you before.. close case..

end of the day... i just hope life to be simple, nice, with frds ard and families, had frds hanging out session.. study and work hard tgt,learn things throughout the studying life,normally graduated, live life without "i thought you... so i" kinda crappy delaying frdship or anything kind of thing concrening human interaction.... and did whatever i want to do before i stepped into the cruel world of business with politics, struggles and r/s hurting issues....

pple always says why i say like my life so cham like that... they dun understand... it is that cham.. without gng through somethings, they will nv understand so i not even gng to explain unless they are someone who went through hardship, or maybe display a maturity level from the way they see things and handle it that probably let me feels he can understand this issue.... else its no use explaining when they can understand the skin of the problem but not the flesh of it..
well complain i may be.. but many things, actually i dun mind doing just love to complain only... and may it be fair to me when i did it as i need people to really think abt others and not take things for granted.. as usually people really do in one way or another..which will cause my reluctant to extend my help..

hmm why am i writing so much? i thought i wanna do a short post only haaa...and i think.. i should stop explaining myself... fact speaks for itself.. i think its call "res ipsa loquitor" if not wrong.. forgot..check it out "someday"<--meaning when i rmb and feels like checking it which means, may or may not do depending on the urgency i rate it in my brain.. lol .

okok stop liao... not nice anymore like essay liao... good night.. happy valentines day in....25 hours time..